As I drag myself off the floor where my three-year-old and five-year-old are happily playing, I am trying to summon motivation to help stop feeling sorry for my tired body that was kept up last night by a feverish child. Life has to go on today—no calling in sick here!
How many of you are nodding with me?
I am making this list to help myself today because I managed in the past to get through many sleepless nights, and the following sleepy days. I can do it! (She says without conviction) My goal today is to make it through intact and not let my tiredness turn me into an asshole.
I’m not sure if I’m completely crazy or what, but I actually have never had a cup of coffee in my life. Whether you are at work or at home, use any of these caffeine-free tips that suit you to help through your sleepy day:
1) Create a safe zone for the kids and then curl up near them for a power nap. When the kids were younger, I would barricade them in a small area and fall asleep on the floor beside them. Now I can sleep through a blaring TV or LEGO dismantling! Five to ten minutes of a power nap is all you need.
2) Stop telling yourself you are tired. Positive thinking will make a big difference; put on your glass-half-full goggles. There have been many studies which demonstrate humans can do just fine on even four hours of sleep if they need to. Remind yourself of this all day.
3) Don’t sit around too much, and try to get outside. I find I am more tired when I am sitting. If I take the boys outside or to play somewhere else, I often forget how tired I am. But don’t push yourself too hard for multiple days in a row. A day or two here or there of pushing yourself onto your feet will be okay. If this is a repeated pattern, you run the risk of harming your health.
4) Do something that will make you laugh because “laughing releases the same tension as tears.” (Dr. Laura Markham) I do feel like crying… all day… so laughing is a much better option! My choices are usually: air guitar to my favourite songs, hanging with friends, watching a funny video. Have you watched America’s Funniest Videos lately? Good stuff. I have also saved Jimmy Fallon’s Tonight Show, which never fails to get me laughing.
5) Do some yoga and/or meditation. Inversion poses are super for waking the body and mind. If I start to feel fuzzy, I do a sun-salutation series or meditate for a couple minutes. Stay away from feet-up-the-wall pose because that one will likely make you more sleepy.
6) Drink water with lemon if you have it, and eat real food. Junk food is only not bad for you, it often makes you sleepy. Fresh fruit is great for helping wake the body up. If it is warm outside, try keeping grapes in the fridge: for some reason cool grapes are great pick-me-up.
7) Have a shower, do your hair, and wear nice clothes. For some reason I feel better when I’m not in a pony-tail and saggy-butt grey sweats pants. If it is logistically difficult to get shower time with little ones around, I recommend creating a bathroom play area. Set out toys the kids haven’t seen for awhile and child-proof your bathroom area so your little ones can roam freely for about ten minutes. We have a shower with a glass window so making faces and drawing pictures on the glass bought me a few extra minutes.
Choose clothes with bright colours to help cheer you up.
I need to put my psychotherapist hat on and say that if sleepless nights are a chronic problem, seek professional help either through a trained child sleep expert (my go-girl there is Alanna McGinn) or a trained counsellor.
I have a very reactive, sensitive 5 year old daughter. I have been trying so hard to employ this kind of “connect first” approach with her, but I have always struggled. I work hard to manage my own reactivity and not get triggered, but when I try to connect with her and show empathy, she just rages on, either hitting me or screaming (SCREAMING) at me to STAY AWAY FROM HER in response to my efforts to connect, offer hugs, etc. She seems to get stuck in rage and I have a very hard time getting her to futility (this is a concept I read about once before). Another parenting expert on social media suggested that the explanation for this is that she just doesn’t feel connected enough to me to collapse sobbing in my arms. The other day, an interesting thing happened. She was in one of her raging episodes and my husband carried her to her room and left her there. I am trying to steer clear of isolation as punishment, but about 90 min later, she emerged as happy and calm as could be, having been playing alone with her dolls. She said she felt better and was ready to be around everyone again. How do I reconcile this with the “connect first” philosophy? She even told me later that she “had an idea” that when she gets really mad like that, she should just have some quiet play time. Sounded like a good idea to me, but I’m afraid I’m not doing enough to foster connection with me as a safe place for her to reach futility and express sadness.
Thanks for all your great articles. My question is in regard to bribing or threatening (bribing’s evil stepmother). I feel like it’s all I do with my 4-year-old. If I’ve tried to stop a tantrum to no avail, I can nip it in the bud by bribing (if you stop crying I’ll give you a lollipop) or, my more popular option, threatening (if you don’t stop this tantrum, no Daniel Tiger today). I know it’s not the right thing to do, but in the moment, it’s the only thing I find effective. I particularly hate that I do it at bedtime (if you call out one more time, no pool with your friends tomorrow) because it leaves a bad taste in both of our mouths. Do you have any advice?
This is so helpful! Your articles are always so accessible and you make your advice easy for others to implement. Thank you!
Could I get the name of your fictional book I read about in your bio?